Trauma is essentially the psychological wound that results from a traumatic event or series of events. The wound is often deeply rooted and stays within a person until they can acknowledge that it is there and work on healing it. The way the brain recognizes emotions is intertwined with memory. Emotions can trigger memories and memories can trigger emotions. For example, you and your partner argue over a small topic. That small topic keeps coming up as a reoccurring issue. By the fifth time you are arguing over this one thing, you emotionally feel the weight of the other four arguments in that present moment. This is because the brain paired the memory of the other arguments with the emotions. Therefore you're reaction the fifth time may not be as graceful as your reaction during the first argument. This would symbolize emotion dysregulation.
I often refer to trauma emotions as an energy inside the body that is always trying to be released. The tricky part is that there are many ways the brain and body attempt to protect you from the psychological and physiological pain of trauma memories and emotions. Repression, suppression, and dissociation are a few ways the brain does this.
The inability to maintain control over one's emotional state is called emotion dysregulation. The ability to control and modify emotional responses is called emotion regulation.
Here are some self-help strategies for regulating emotions:
1. Find a private comfortable space to sit and just be. You can close your eyes and focus on your breath.
2. Turn your awareness inward by doing a full body scan. Notice how you feel just sitting and breathing. Take note of everything that you can feel, smell, taste, sense internally, etc.
3. Then think of a recent situation where you found it difficult to regulate emotions. Try to identify a situation that isn’t too distressing...(preferably a situation that is below a 4 on a 10-point distress scale). Allow yourself to mentally describe the situation in as much detail as possible as if you are reliving the memory.
4. Allow yourself to feel whatever bodily sensations come up. This may take a few minutes for your brain and body to allow yourself to fully feel the sensations and emotions of the situation you're recalling. Emotions are just as much physical as they are mental because of the chemicals being released in the brain that travel through your nervous system. Identify the sensations the best you can. Do you feel burning, tingling, bubbling, pressure, etc.? Once you identify the sensation, identify where in your body you feel it. Some people may feel different emotions in different parts of the body like the heart, stomach, brain, feet, etc.
5. Name the emotion you believe you’re experiencing. If you need to look up a list of emotions to properly name the feeling, feel free to do so.
6. Allow yourself to sit in the emotion for some time then accept that it is there. You can do this by saying to yourself something along the lines of…
“I’m glad I’m able to feel this emotion. I know why it is here.”
“My body is designed to feel these emotions and this just means I’m human.”
“I’m allowed to feel any and every emotion.”
“I love and accept myself for feeling this way.”
7. When you can name the emotion, you can then respond to it. Let the emotion be released in whatever way you feel necessary (healthy and safe choices only). For example, if you feel frustrated or irritated, do some air boxing punches or pushups to release the emotion. If you feel sad, allow yourself to cry. If you feel disgusted, shake and move your body. One emotion that comes up a lot for trauma survivors is feeling numb. This is one of the hardest emotional experiences to combat and often can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms. If this is something you experience, work on engaging in lots of physical touches. Massage your arms, give yourself a hug, point and flex your feet, press on acupressure points, etc. Do this routinely and as frequently as possible. The numbness is your body's defense mechanism to protect you from pain and hurtful emotions. It’s completely normal and takes time to re-calibrate the nervous system. The skin is the largest organ and the goal is to re-train the skin receptors to allow feeling when the type of touch is safe. Sometimes it may help to state a safe affirmation before engaging in the touch. An example would be, "I am safe at this moment." Or, "It's ok to let myself feel." After repetition with a positive touch, the brain will release more oxytocin, the bonding chemical, and the feelings of numbness will subside.
Repeat these steps with minimally distressing situations. Do not try to do this with a trauma memory unless you have already worked on healing or are working with a therapist to ensure you are safe and can do this properly. The goal is to practice tuning inward to notice emotions, name emotions, and respond to them instead of reacting to them without thought.
Oftentimes, it's natural to react to emotions and this can lead to regret or shame depending on how we reacted when emotions were high. If you are working on emotion regulation with the support of friends or loved ones around you, you can communicate an emotional boundary that you may need while you practice this. For example, you could communicate to your partner that you feel your emotions are too high when arguments come up and you want to try taking 5 minutes before talking through things to allow yourself time to calm down and respond appropriately.
When I used to teach emotion regulation to kids, the phrase we would repeat would be to "stop, think, and choose" a healthy response. The stopping part comes immediately after noticing the bodily sensations that cue your brain to recognize the emotion.
Practice and consistency with self-help tools help re-wire the brain to be more efficient, can improve your mood, and allow for healing.
As always, If you find any of this information triggering or do not feel safe being alone with your thoughts, call a support person or 911 if you feel you are at risk of hurting yourself or others. I’m a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and I help adults heal from childhood trauma. Follow along for more self-help tools and psychoeducation on the brain and body.
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