Hello and welcome to The Healthy Coconut Blog. This blog is dedicated to bringing you information on trauma and trauma healing from a holistic perspective. I’m Gabbie Bodkin, a licensed mental health counselor, and the author of this blog. Today I’ll be sharing information covering the reason for and process of reparenting yourself.
More specifically I’ll be talking about:
What is reparenting?
Signs you may benefit from reparenting
Steps to take
What is Reparenting?
Reparenting is the process of understanding and nurturing unmet needs from childhood. This topic is important because early childhood experiences are what shape the beliefs about yourself and the world around you. These belief systems are at the foundation of emotional regulation and attachment styles which can affect interpersonal relationships and self-esteem down the road.
The natural “inner child" is a part of a person's psyche that stays with them throughout adulthood. When a child receives love, validation, and safety in childhood, they can move through development with high self-esteem, security, and healthy relationships. Many trauma survivors may not have been able to get their childhood needs met and therefore, even in adulthood, engage in behaviors, self-talk, and relationships that are the result of the subconscious need to heal that inner child. These individuals may seek safety, love, and validation in ways that may be maladaptive. For example, a child with unmet safety needs may have grown up in a home where home and food stability were scarce or inconsistent. For this individual, it may feel safer to not have to rely on other people for financial support or any form of dependence. In turn, this may manifest as being uncomfortable asking for help and fearful when they are not in total control of their circumstances.
With this need to heal the inner child, there also must be the understanding that the brain is capable of re-wiring to heal any unmet needs. Through intentional practices and the steps I’ll share later in this blog, you can work on healing past wounds and create healthier responses to challenging situations or unhealthy responses and relationships.
Signs You May Benefit from Reparenting:
First let me preface that just because you may experience some of these signs, this does not always equate to you having experienced a macro trauma in childhood. You may have had a great childhood overall but a pattern of interactions/ experiences (also known as a micro-trauma) may have stacked up over time that resulted in an unmet childhood need.
You often think you are “not good enough” and your inner voice is negative.
You often “people please” at your own expense.
You doubt your ability to make decisions and question your version of reality.
You seek external validation.
You find it difficult to control your emotions and are easily triggered.
Steps to Reparent Yourself:
Identify your inner child's needs.
Think about childhood needs such as love, safety, validation/belonging and identify the areas you feel you may have needed more.
Sit in the emotions that come up when thinking about the unmet need(s). Try to shift your inner dialogue to be in your inner child's perspective.
Write those needs down on paper (i.e. I needed safety/stability, I needed to feel loved and as if I belonged).
Practice compassionate self-talk:
Your self-talk has a lasting impact on how you view yourself and directly relates to your behaviors. If your inner child's need is to feel loved and you maintain a harsh negative self-talk, that need is still not being met.
Speak to yourself as you would a vulnerable child. Be kind and patient and offer attention and comfort.
Create a sense of safety and stability:
Start with the knowledge of your worth by using phrases like "I need," "I deserve," and "I will honor myself right now."
Set boundaries with those who are not nurturing your inner child or are unable to respect your needs.
Establish a consistent self-care routine that incorporates nourishing yourself from within (i.e. hydration, sleep, nutrition, movement, sunlight).
Engage in care-free play:
Engage in activities that let your mind wander and do not have any set rules or expectations ( art, dancing, music, exploration, grounding, etc).
Seek Support if needed:
It may be exhausting or difficult to put forth the effort to re-wire your brain. When things feel overwhelming and you've engaged in the self-help tools and still feel like something is missing, it may be time to seek professional support. This does not mean you are broken or incapable of self-help. Instead, it means you're courageous and you understand it can be a difficult and delicate process to go through alone and support is always nice.
This concludes the information and tips on re-parenting your inner child. Thank you all for reading this post. As always, I hope you found this information useful. This information is purely intended to inform, not to treat. If you are struggling with brain health issues or childhood trauma, speaking to a healthcare professional is recommended to receive a specific plan for treatment and healing based on your individual needs. You can follow along for more posts and psychoeducational tools on trauma and trauma healing from a holistic perspective. You can also check out my website, thehealthycoconut.com, or Instagram the_healthycoconut for more resources or to book a free consultation with me. If you found this blog helpful, please like and subscribe to support these resources.
Safety Disclaimer:
If you find any of this information triggering or do not feel safe being alone with your thoughts, call a support person or 911 if you feel you are at risk of hurting yourself or others. I’m a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and I help adults heal from childhood trauma. Follow along for more self-help tools and psychoeducation on trauma and trauma healing.
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